BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
