Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
