hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
