walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
