so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
