I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
