my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
