i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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