there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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