we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
