Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
