Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
