I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
