He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
