White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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