ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
