I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
