woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
