we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
