Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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