he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
