man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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