This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
