ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
