take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
