WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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