Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
