Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
