I wanna bring you to show and tell
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
