We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
