oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
