Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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