paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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