We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
