just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
