he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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