No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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