no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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