He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
