At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
