You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
