Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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