I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
