you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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