Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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