i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
