Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is Oprah even human
i now understand why vodka
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
