How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
