I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
