I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
