apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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