Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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