I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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