Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
